Neurolinguistic Programming can completely boost your confidence levels and empower you in ways you can only imagine.
Have you ever wondered what makes people influential? Have you read studies and books done by experts of influence, and tried to follow their advice? Have you struggled with getting your point across?
Do you want to have more impact in the world? Do you want to become more influential and charismatic?
Do you want others to not only listen to you but also follow your directive?
There is a science to this! When you learn neurolinguistic programming you will become confident and influential.
I spent many years researching influence and experimenting with “chiseling influence strategies”. My graduate work focused largely on this concept and it was very interesting and a lot of fun.
During my graduate work at the University of Alberta I discovered the key elements of influence. I pinpointed exactly what made some people influential and why others, despite great credentials, titles, and academic achievements did not command the following the kind of a following the others did.
I even spent few months in the center for the brain- injured and did studies on how the brain injured (with many types of brain injury) exerted their influence, in the absence of being able to make logical assessments of the situation or social relationships.
These studies yielded fascinating results, which will become a part of my new book.
What I found abolishes most existing theories about influence.
For the purpose of this short discussion, here are some basic fundamentals that are the key elements of influence. These are:
Define influence. In my view, any time we are exchanging ideas, we want the other to “buy” our ideas and come on board with us. In essence we are selling.
To me, influence is being able to engage another to communicate with me. This requires a benefit to them in communicating. No matter how great an idea you have, if the other does not want to engage with YOU, the idea is redundant.
The first hidden key ingredient of influence is being clear about the value of your idea and the purpose of sharing it. This means you have to absolutely believe in your idea and also have an idea of what response you may get. In order to do that you must imagine yourself in the shoes of the person or persons you want to influence, and see the world through their eyes.
To be able to do that you must be able to “get out of your own way”, which can be difficult unless you know how to do it.
You must be absolutely clear about your own intent because if you are not clear about your intention, you will probably end up being taken on tangents, and end up on a “garden path”. They will be in charge of you and not you of the situation.
To remain focused on your purpose requires you not only to be clear about what you want to accomplish but also be aware of the mental processes your audience is engaged in.
In other words, you must be aware of how their mind works and what “drives them”. All people have fears and dreams.
In order to influence anyone, you must be able to decipher this inner code really fast, and direct your communication directly there.
There is a science to finding out how the mind works. This is where Neurolinguistic programming is the best tool to use.
Behind every person’s decision making there exists and internal story. People have reasons for making decisions, strategies to keep themselves from making decisions, and internal tools to remain committed to their point of view.
Unless you know what that story is, you cannot effectively influence anyone.
Before you can discover their story, you must silence yours so that it doesn’t influence your strategies to unravel theirs. You must silence your own inner critic, the voices of significant others that were embedded in your own consciousness, and which often give you directions long after the person died.
I carried my father’s voice for most of my life. This voice kept me safe from exploring my own creative potential and told me how to interpret what others were saying. My father’s voice contained his values and the story his father passed onto him.
Another hidden truth behind influence is, we influence others the same way as we influence ourselves.
The conversations you have with others are exactly the same as the ones you are having inside your own head.
If you examine the quality of your relationships with others, these reflect the true relationship you have with yourself. If you have been ineffective in influencing others, you most likely have an internal conflict within yourself, and there is a part of yourself you are in conflict with.
This conflict disperses your focus, generates inner discomfort, and makes you eligible to being “taken on a garden path by others” much the same as you have been diverting your own internal dialogue from what really matters.
Just take a moment and ask yourself, how many “meaningful” discussions have you been involved in when half-way through the conversation you suddenly realized you were on a subject that had nothing to do with the original idea?
In order to be influential, you must not only be clear about your own intention, which establishes the boundaries around your conversation, you must also be able to step into the shoes of the person you are attempting to influence.
Stepping into their shoes does not mean feeling their pain (if such is present) but being able to view the world through their eyes.
The most fundamental secret of influence is that people want to feel important and significant. As long as you generate that experience for them they will listen to you.
When people feel significant in your presence they feel good. They enjoy being around you and are willing to follow you.
When people feel significant they are more willing to negotiate their point of view. They will “work hard” to be validated and signified.
Imagine being them for a moment. As them, ask yourself, “what is it I need right now to feel significant and validated, and what is it I need right now to expand my view?
Become them for a moments and ask yourself, what are my desires, my objections, and what is it I believe about myself now which can shape the way I “look” at things?
One secret of influence is understanding how people position themselves internally in the world. People have a sense of who they are, what they deserve and what they are expecting. Sometimes a limiting belief about one’s worthiness may impact a person’s ability to change their mind.
People always get what they expect, not what they want. If you know how to change someone’s expectations, you can influence them.
There are some powerful Ericksonian hypnosis tools you can use to help them adjust subconscious representation of the self, and their expectations.
In essence you must step into their shoes AS THEM, which means you need to “get out of your way” and not “pollute” the discussion with your projections, and simultaneously remain present in your own reality.
For a moment become them in your own mind.
A good analogy is a theater production. One actor delivers a compelling and powerful, thought provoking performance. The next say, you attend the same play, with a different actor. This time it is “flat” and boring.
What is the difference?
The difference that makes the difference is the first actor’s ability to step into the shoes of the audience and from their point of view, ask himself, “what is it I need right now in order to become inspired?” Simultaneously, he is very aware of his own ground, and the role he is playing.
People are willing to do extraordinary things when they feel inspired. Inspiration is possible only from a place of conviction, awareness of where I am going, ability to “get out of your own way”, being able to step into the universe of another, giving them the same credence as my own desire to get my point across, being able to speak their “language”.
How you communicate is critically important. To build rapport, you must be able to recognize how people think, and for this we have some amazing tools we teach people across the globe. What happens in the mind of the person I am speaking with? How do they construct their reality? How do they decide? How do they process information?
How can I be influential when I don’t know the internal language of the person across from me?
Well, you can’t… Unless you ask the right questions.
The right question is the most important element of influence. What is it you need to know about them in order to “speak their language”? How do they communicate with themselves? What are their points of resistance? What is the exact internal dialogue they engage in with themselves? What do they need to know in order to be willing to follow your directions?
All these questions need to be answered before you can influence anyone.
You also need to know how to ask these questions. The how communicates to them your intent. How do they read you? How can you communicate with them so that they read you correctly?
There is a science to asking the right questions in the right order in the right way.
Unless you understand this science you will never maximize your influence potential.
I always say, “Be careful what you ask for because you will have to deal with the answer”. To generate a meaningful answer, you need to have a strategy in mind, which includes knowing where you are going. It’s like playing chess. You have to be a strategic thinker. Only then can you lead your counterpart.
If you want to become an expert communicator and an absolute master of influence, you need to invest in true NLP training which is the precise scientific method of influence.
The time you invest in the training will pay you dividends in years to come. You will learn the most powerful influence skills on the planet and be able to apply them immediately.
You will know how to read people, what questions to ask and when, how to motivate others, how to find hidden points of resistance in anyone, how to overcome objections and how to get them to your side.
You will be able to take charge in any situation, even where you encounter the most difficult people. You will remove the guess work out of your communications and always stay on top of every conversation.
You will learn Ericksonian hypnosis – the conversational tool of influence.
Using these skills, you will also become an irresistible presenter and a powerful coach, leading others to truly transformational change.
In the process you will rewire your own inner ineffective strategies and take care of your own emotions and inner dialogue
This powerful training is an experiential process. It is also cognitive and a hands on experience. You will practice everything you’ve learned. You will work with many case studies and work on each other.
The training is powerful and contains the entire NLP model. You will learn NLP the way it was meant to be learned.
On a personal level you will take full ownership of your own mind. You will encounter your own internal points of resistance. You will be challenged and step beyond your own comfort zone.
You will get rid of limiting subconscious programs and limiting beliefs. You will literally rewire the software of your own mind, and gain powerful professional skills.
You will become a master of influence and learn skills that will give you huge advantage in challenging situations. You will always be in charge of your mind and in control in social situations.
The training is internationally recognized and licensed. We follow the pure Bandler method. As an added bonus you will also learn Structural Psychology for transformation. Structural Psychology is about thinking structurally. It gives you the framework to strategically apply NLP methods.
Take control of your mind and your life.
What a great article.
I cannot wait to take another one of your trainings, as every time I read something you write, or take a course or training I gain additional skills beyond the scope of what I expected and even came for in the first place.
You are a first class trainer and mentor. Thank you