Ending a relationship is never easy. Most often people walk away from relationships in a reactive mode, angry and disappointed. The negative emotion fuels the decision and justifies walking away.
Before making such a decision, you need to step outside your negativity, take a deep breath and ask yourself some important questions. When you honestly answer these questions and still feel you want to get out of the relationship, your decisions will come from a place of personal power. You will be able to walk away feeling satisfied you made the right decision. You will be able to move on with your life and feel free of resentment.
The most fundamental question to ask yourself is:
“Am I the Way I Want You to Be?”
If you have not been the way you were expecting your partner to be, you have a lot of work to do on yourself before leaving the relationship. If you leave before completing this work on yourself, you will find another partner with whom you will replay the same scenario.
You will also find it difficult to get rid of your reactivity. Something inside will feel incomplete.
Fundamentally, we are always reacting to ourselves. Unless you find peace within yourself, you cannot expect to find peace in a relationship. Transformation starts with you.
Other fundamental questions to ask yourself are:
What is it you need right now to feel happy and at peace?
What is it I need right now to feel happy and at peace?
What is it I can do for you right now to make this moment more satisfying (happier) for you?
What is it we need the most; right now, to feel happy with each other?
How can I help you feel understood by me?
How can I facilitate you feeling loved and honored by me?
How can I acknowledge you such that you feel acknowledged?
How can I communicate my needs to you such that you understand what they are?
What is it I need to feel, know, understand, right now to know and feel we understand each other?
What is it I need right now to feel happy in this relationship?
What is it I need to do to communicate with you such that we understand each other?
What is it I really want in this relationship?
What is it I want for you in this relationship, in life?
Who do I want to be for you in this relationship and in life?
How do I achieve that right now?
What is it I need to understand about you in order to relate optimally with you?
What is it I need you to understand about me so you can communicate with me from a position of understanding me?
What is it I like about myself?
What is it I like, appreciate about you?
What do I believe are the qualities in this relationship that make it worthwhile to remain in it?
What would I like this relationship to be like, optimally, such that both of us are happy remaining together?
Where are we going with it? What vision if any, are we sharing?
What is good about right here, right now, in this relationship?
What can we do together to relate with each better?
How can we accommodate each other in our differences?
How can I bring the best in you supporting you to express yourself fully in life and in this relationship?
What is the best I perceive in you?
What is the best me I would like you to experience?
Do I want to remain in this relationship?
It is always a good idea to hie a life coach to help you examine your situation and facilitate a econciliation process, or a decision to make an exit from a relationship.